Family

The Solitude of Grief

The Solitude of Grief

White hot rage coursing through my veins at the smallest provocation. Yes, I can release venom with this same mouth that forms platitudes. And it makes my very insides hurt. Hot tears stream down cheeks as I curl up in bed clutching my aching stomach. […]

When The Only Thing Missing on Mother’s Day Is Your Mother

When The Only Thing Missing on Mother’s Day Is Your Mother

It’s the end of Mother’s Day, and I’m clean wore out. Finally…finally the house is quiet. The frogs sounding outside my window are the only noise¬†except for the settling sounds of this old house. The tension is leaving me slowly, so slowly. I’ve yearned all […]

seasons.

seasons.

“I never celebrated Thanksgiving before.” It was a conversation stopper for sure. We uneasily glanced at one another around the table. The eyes of our biological children dimmed with this truth. My husband shook his head sadly while I grappled with my surprise…and wondered why […]

Dear Teacher

Dear Teacher

Dear Teacher, I was sitting there in my vehicle, impatiently drumming my fingers on my steering wheel, waiting for the pilot car that. just. wouldn’t. come. I decided to check my email, knowing before I did that there would be an email from you. And […]

beauty.

beauty.

Sometimes it’s hard to soak the beauty all in…how it catches in my throat just like that big ol’ lump because, yes, I’m a cry baby. And sometimes life just does that. Makes you cry. I cry for the sad…and the hopeless…the helpless and the […]

Expecting

Expecting

“Listen to me.” She looks at me steady, and the compassion and understanding in her gaze about undo me. “You just keep on loving these kids. You cannot afford to pull away. If they go back, you and James, your kids. You WILL heal. You […]

In The Dark

In The Dark

“Kids aren’t afraid of the dark,” she explains. “They’re afraid of what’s in it.” A¬†familiar sadness wells up. Because I don’t know what’s in their dark. What do they fear when the lights go out? What shadows loom at them? Someone’s convinced him there are […]

Shattered

Shattered

Most Treasured Boy, Did you know you were that? Treasured? Oh, sweet boy. You. Are. Amazing. You sing songs of love and hope every time you open your eyes and climb sleepily down your bunk bed ladder. Yes, every time you exhale, it’s a song. […]

Forever Love

Forever Love

His voice rasps out the words. I’ve never heard him sing, and I can’t understand the lyrics. But my eyes well up because the love and tenderness are unmistakable. “I’ve been singing to Grandma,” he tells me, his eyes fixed someplace past me, the sweet […]

I Didn’t Know It Would Look Like This (Otherwise Entitled: When Fostering Makes You Sweat)

I Didn’t Know It Would Look Like This (Otherwise Entitled: When Fostering Makes You Sweat)

The fits. The tantrums. The meltdowns. Eardrum piercing screams…from rage…from fear…from plain. old. confusion. Little fists swinging. Marks from little teeth. Which brings me to the sweat. Oh. Holy. Disgusting. The sweat. Rivulets racing down my face…my back…my knees. My knees, people. I know it’s […]